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Marriage Help-How to Regain Trust in a Marriage


Trust is gained over time as a relationship grows and is based on a persons actions and behavior. The level of trust you give someone is based on your feelings about their actions and behaviors.

Trust forms the foundation of all relationships and this is especially important in a marriage. When the foundation of a building is compromised the structure will become unstable. The same is true of trust in a marriage, when trust is compromised the marriage will become unstable.

Loss of trust doesn’t mean the marriage has to end, but it does mean a lot of effort will be needed to repair the trust and make the marriage healthy again.

With Time Trust Can Be Regained

Being betrayed by your spouse, a person you love and thought you could trust is one of the worst experiences in the world and causes untold hurt and pain.

It has been said that you cannot have love without trust. It’s a fact that without trust, your marriage will never be what it should or could be. This is why regaining broken trust is so important.
Once trust has been betrayed in a marriage, you might say that you are beginning your relationship with your spouse all over again.

The partner who betrayed the trust of the other must prove themselves trustworthy all over again. Regaining trust is a slow, gradual process.

If you and your spouse are dealing with trust issues you must learn how to regain that trust in order for your marriage to survive.

But where do you start?

Steps to Take to Rebuild Lost Trust

For the Betrayer

  1. Accept Responsibility-If you broke your spouse’s trust, the first thing you have to do is admit that what you did was wrong, apologize and ask to be given a second chance.
  2. Become an Open Book-In order to prove yourself, you must be honest and upfront about every aspect of your life. There can be no secrets or empty promises. Remember, you are starting at square one and you must prove to your spouse that you can be trusted.
  3. Be Predictable-Consistent behavior encourages trust and helps to eliminate doubt. Sudden changes in your actions or inconsistent behavior make doubts creep in.
  4. Be Patient-As mentioned earlier, rebuilding trust takes time, don’t push or rush your partner as that will not speed up the process and can even slow it down.

Actions that show love, caring and understanding will go a long way in healing the hurt. Be aware that even though you may be demonstrating trustworthy qualities, you may have to continually reassure your spouse as they work through the forgiveness process.

For the Betrayed

  1. Be Willing-The partner who was betrayed must learn to trust again and the key to this is being willing to trust again. I know that it may seem impossible that you can ever trust your partner again, but if you don’t accept the idea that trust is possible, you won’t be able to forgive and move past the hurt.
    Being willing to trust again doesn’t mean that you approve of the things that were done to destroy your trust. It simply means that you are willing to try to forgive and go forward in your marriage. 
    Help your spouse prove they are trustworthy by allowing them to try.
  2. Be Patient-You will need patience both with your partner and with yourself. You may find yourself feeling like things are progressing and then suddenly feel as though they are moving backwards. This is normal, just give yourself more time to work through whatever you are feeling.

Trust is easily broken and hard to regain, but it can be done. Loss of trust doesn’t have to destroy your marriage.

Need more help or additional advice with trust issues?
The advice provided by professional counselor Dr Lee Baucom in his Save The Marriage guide can help you mend your marriage and strengthen trust. To learn more about this guide click here.