Avoid a Common Cause of Divorce-Learn to Communicate with Your Spouse
One of the most common causes of divorce is breakdown of communication . The dictionary defines communication as the exchange of thoughts, messages or information. Notice that it does not say the giving of thoughts, messages or information or the receiving of thoughts, messages or information, but the exchange. The exchange is where most couples struggle.
Do you listen to your spouse or do you just talk and talk and talk?
A man that I deal with on a weekly basis in my business is a good example of communication breakdown. He is usually here for a least an hour even though the reason for his visit could be completed in about 15 minutes. Why is he here so long? He loves to talk, but he needs a few lessons in communicating. He doesn’t listen, I barely say a word, and when I do manage to squeeze a word in, he is already talking again before I can finish my sentence.
Now according to our definition of communication, what he and I do is not comunication. We don’t exchange anything. He gives me his thoughts, messages or information, I am usually unable to give him anything in return. His visits and our conversation almost always leave me frustrated. I genuinely know a lot about the subject that we always talk about and he could probably learn something if he only knew how to listen.
While my example is about a business relationship, communication with your spouse is the same, you need to listen as well as talk in order to truly communicate and avoid a common cause of divorce.
Learning to listen to your spouse may take effort and practice, but listening is something that must you must do in order to have a good marriage and be able to resolve problems . If you are not listening when your spouse talks, and I mean really listening, then you are probably frustrating your spouse and hurting your marriage.
Do you know how to talk?
Being a good listener is part of communicating effectively, but you also have to know how to talk. I know, I know, I just told you to shut up and listen and now I am telling you to talk. Well, let me explain.
If something is bothering and you spouse asks what is wrong, do you tell them or do you say nothing is wrong? Now, unless you are married to a mind reader, that approach is only going to cause more problems. A much more effective way is to simply tell your spouse what is bothering you.
A recent study by Elaine Eaker, an epidemiologist in Gaithersburg, Md. shows that when women bottle up what they are feeling during a disagreement it has a measurable effect on their health . So, not saying what is bothering you can not only cause more problems in your marriage but with your health as well.
Do you take the time to talk to your spouse about things that are important to them? If your conversations consist of ”Hi, how was your day…Fine, how was yours”, you need to make an effort to sit down and really talk. Remember when you two were dating, how did you get to know each other? I bet talked for hours. Make an effort to talk to your spouse and get to know them all over again.
Listening and talking, the two parts of a conversation, you need both in order to communicate with your spouse and avoid a common cause of divorce.
To learn more about communicating with your spouse and avoiding common causes of divorce click here .